


Blood and Destruction

by stardustandangels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff, Light Smut, Mark of Cain!Reader, light hints of depression, loss of a loved one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 20:40:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5306057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustandangels/pseuds/stardustandangels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You found a way to transfer the Mark of Cain without Dean actually giving it to you, with consent, from Cain himself. You feel guilty that the brothers’ relationship was ripped apart because of this burden. And while he is tied up and unconscious after Sam brought him back to the bunker, with doubts about the treatment with Cas, you transfer it to yourself and ditches hoping that the Winchesters will see it as a miracle gift of sorts. Sadly, for you, they don’t and they go looking for you…following the path of blood and destruction across the states. Gadreel is furious with them considering you are his girlfriend and they let this happen. So now Gadreel, Castiel, Sam, and unmarked Dean have to find and help you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blood and Destruction

**Author's Note:**

> Flashbacks are in italics and Gadreel's point of view is in bold letters. I hope that makes sense. 
> 
> Now go and read. Enjoy!

  


There he was, his body – his vessel's body lying lifeless on the floor. You stared down on him not being able to show any kind of reaction.

"There was nothing I could do to stop Metatron, I am so sorry, Y/N."

The fight against Metatron had taken a lot out of all of you. Now Gadreel had paid the ultimate price. He had given his life in a fight that didn't seem to end.

You went through your daily routines mechanically, numb and dead inside. You couldn't feel a thing. You didn't speak to anybody, fearing you would have to drop the poor masquerade you set up. You failed miserably. Losing Gadreel hurt, it hurt so badly you could not even find words how to describe it. The pain left you half-dead inside. You weren’t able to feel anything except the unbearable pain of loss.

You were already a mess when Gadreel was minorly injured. You were so afraid of losing him. And now that you had ultimately lost him you wanted to feel nothing, you tried so hard to feel nothing, but not even giving in to the mark's influence and let the killer inside you take control could numb the pain inside you. Mechanically you got in your car and drove off. Where you didn't know yet. You had nothing to live for.

_“Why did you suddenly decide that you don't want to be Metatron's personal assassin anymore?” Sam was sceptical. Frankly, you were too, but it didn’t mean that you wouldn’t give him another chance. After all he had healed Sam._

_“You killed Kevin!” Dean could not or didn’t want to hold back, he was a raging mess and lunged at Gadreel and cut him with the first blade. The cut glowed in a bright blue light and Gadreel fell to the ground. “Dean.” A cry fell from your lips, unable to believe what he just did. How could he?_

_Sam and Cas had a hard time getting Dean under control and snap him out of his rage. They restrained him and brought him into one of the arrest cells of the bunker._

_You kneeled down next to Gadreel. You hoisted him up a little to get a better look at his wound. “Hey, hey, Gadreel. How are you feeling?”_

_A faint smile stole itself on his lips when you took his head in your hands. “I couldn’t be better.”_

_“The sarcasm is strong in this one.” You winked at him. “I’m going to get you the first aid kit. I think you are going to need it.”_

_“Thank you.” He made quite an effort in pushing his upper body up and you could see that he was in great pain. He pecked your lips and you couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by all your feelings, all your love for him. You sat him up against one of the pillars, afraid that he will lose too much blood if you move him anywhere else. “I’m going to be right back, just hang in there, okay? It’s going to be fine.” You tried to smile at him encouragingly, but only a single tear rolled down your cheek._

_“I’m not going anywhere.”_

_“I’m back, sweetheart.” You went back to the main hall of the bunker with the first aid kit in your hands and a bottle liquor. You came to meet an empty room and Gadreel was nowhere to be found. There was a huge blood stain on the floor where Gadreel sat just moments ago. There were several others leading to the door. “Gad? Gadreel?” You run up the stairs and out of the bunker, but Gadreel was not seen nowhere near._

_“Sam? Cas?” You run back inside, your voice in a higher pitch. You pulled yourself together and went down to the library to inform Sam and Castiel that Gadreel was gone._

_You were freaking out. How could he simply disappear on you? “Cas, can you locate him?” You were getting desperate._

_“Don’t worry, Y/N.” Cas wrinkled his forehead and closed his eyes. Abruptly he opened his eyes again. “I know where he is. Let’s go.”_

_You had never shown Gadreel any affection in front of anybody else, and most certainly not in front of the Winchester brothers. They didn’t know that you were in a relationship with him while he was working for Metatron._

_The car’s engine was still running and the driver’s door was open, blood all over the front seat. You found Gadreel lying in the grass, just barely conscious. Cas looked at the huge gash in Gadreel’s stomach and extended his hand to heal him._

_“No, your grace.” Gadreel’s voice was not more than a hoarse whisper. Cas shook his head and let his stolen grace heal Gadreel. He helped him up and you turned to Gadreel and fell into his arms, tears rolling from your eyes, a lump in your throat making you unable to speak. He let you slip your arms around him and laid his hands gently on your back. “I’m fine, it’s fine, sweetheart.” He rubbed your back while he whispered soothing words in your ear. Gadreel held you all the while you were driving back to the bunker. His presence was comforting._

_You came back to the bunker, Dean’s cell empty and a strong smell of sulphur hanging in the air. Dean was nowhere to be found. He vanished, but the big question was how he could have done that?_

_Sam spoke up first: “Do you smell that sulphur? Crowley was here.”_

_“You sure it was Crowley?” Castiel asked sceptically._

_Sam furrowed his brow. “Who else would he summon? I mean – he and Crowley were bromancing over the blade ever since Dean got the Mark.”_

_“The mark?” Gadreel sounded confused._

_“The Mark of Cain.” You came to his help._

_“So that’s what Dean cut me with – the First Blade.” Gadreel stated and Cas nodded. “In a way that could be useful.”_

_“WHAT?” Sam seemed upset._

_“Well, Metatron is more powerful than ever, but if Dean has the First Blade and the Mark, that might give us our best chance.”_

_“You are joking, right? An hour ago we were ready to throw Dean in to a padded cell, and – and now you say he’s our best chance?”_

_“Hear him out, Sam.” Cas interjected. You just stood there and watched the guys arguing. They would go on like this for almost ten minutes. Ultimately they decided that Gadreel and Castiel would go to heaven and break Metatron’s connection to the angel tablet to break his power._

Not only Gadreel, but also Dean had given his life for this fight. After Metatron stabbed him, Dean died, but through the influence of the mark he had been turned into a demon. He had left a note for Sam that he should let him go, and Sam was crushed. Obviously, Dean in demon form was now sitting in front of you, strapped to the chair in the dungeon in a huge devil’s trap proved that Sam could never let his brother go, not when he was a demon. Not ever.

You doubted Castiel's blood treatment would work and actually turn Dean human again. You had to take matters into your own hands. You were going to fix this mess. You couldn’t help but feel guilty to be a part of the events over the last year. You were the one who found out that with the Mark of Cain a worthy bearer could kill a Knight of Hell. The Mark seemed like the solution to all your problems at that time. In combination with the first blade the bearer of the Mark would become a powerful weapon that could destroy demons, even a Knight of Hell, angels and almost every other supernatural creature. Little did you know that it came with a long list of undesirable side effects. The urges to kill grew over the time. It got so bad that Dean couldn’t even control himself. And once he got started, Dean was unable to stop himself, going on and on killing, fuelled up by the Mark. This was all your fault. You could have taken the mark on yourself, but you didn’t. And now Dean was a demon.

 

_“Dean, please. Calm down. I need you to focus.” Sam’s voice was low and pleading._

_You were watching them, feeling Sam’s heartbreak as he desperately tried to snap Dean out of the mark’s induced rage and murder spree._

This moment right there was when you realized that Sam and Dean couldn’t go on like that. The Mark was slowly, but effectively destroying their relationship. It took its toll on Dean, his personality had changed from the fun-loving, sometimes a little rough guy into something darker. Dean was in a bad mood most of the time and he always let it out on Sam. You could tell that Sam tried not to let it affect him, but he began to distance himself from Dean, unable to take his temper. The brothers began to grow apart, with every day they slowly became strangers.

You had been blind to the brothers’ problems, you were just so happy with Gadreel. You were in love again after a long and lonely time, but knowing that he was dead, you felt like you didn’t have a purpose anymore. You drowned in your loneliness. You thought that the only thing you could do to fix the brother’s relationship was to take the mark off of Dean and on you. You were the only one left that could make this possible. You owed them at least that. Your relationship to them was not nothing compared to their love for one another. Once Sam and Dean were unseperable, but the mark had split them apart. You hoped they would see it as a miracle and not come looking for you. All you wanted to do was to take this burden off their shoulders, they already had enough to carry.

Still, it felt like betrayal, every single thing you did. But nothing could make you change your mind now. You’ve never been this determined before. 

You set up the ingredients for the ritual to summon Cain. He appeared right next to Dean who was unconscious in the  chair he was chained to.

“Are you sure you want to take this?” Cain tried to sound concerned, but you really didn’t care that his friendliness was faked. Cain was a demon and therefore unable to understand or feel human emotion. And even if he could, he would never care about you. You were just another replaceable human.

“I’m ready. What do you need me to do?”

“Take Dean’s hand. Like this.” Cain put your hand on Dean’s forearm and closed Dean’s limb fingers around yours.  “I am going to transfer the mark to you now, Y/N.” The mark on Dean’s arm glowed in a strange red light and the glow slowly wandered down his arm and made its way to your arm. You felt a heavy burn in your arm and you bit your lip harshly to keep you from crying out loud. You tasted your own blood on your tongue.

You had stumbled over a paragraph that mentioned this ritual while you were researching way how to get rid of the mark for good. A plan had formed in your mind and you had kept your discovery from Sam.

Dean wouldn’t have wanted you to take the mark on yourself.

 

**“Gadreel? I don’t know if you can hear me. You probably can’t, since you’re dead. I just wanted to get this out to you, because I need to believe that you can hear me.”**

**Gadreel opened his eyes, expecting you to lie next to him. But everything was dark around him, pitch black even. He didn’t know where he was or how he got here. The last thing he remembered was being in heaven with Castiel, ready to take down Metatron.**

**“I am so sorry, Gadreel. Just that you know. I love you, with all my heart. I’m sorry.” That was the first thing Gadreel heard after he died. Your prayer to him was the only thing that made him get up and find a way back to the bunker. A way back to you, to find you. That was the only thought that kept him going even when he felt every step that he took was in the wrong direction.**

You hadn’t exactly made a plan on how you would proceed after you got the mark and left your old life behind you. The only thing you cared about was that Sam and Dean could finally live the life they deserved. A life without constantly having the weight of the world on their shoulders.

At the beginning of your trip you treated every demon you killed like a normal hunt, which means you salted and burned the body of his meat suit and buried the ashes. This little ritual changed quickly. You cared less and less about who you’d fight. Shoot first and ask no questions later. You didn’t even bother to clean up anymore. When the last body dropped you were already on the move again.

You left a trail of dead bodies throughout the country, but you couldn’t care less if it was monsters, demons or humans. They were all the same to you. Even hunting couldn’t you distract you from the one thing you actually wanted to forget. You wanted to forget how it was to be happy.

_"Let's watch a movie." You went for the easiest form of entertainment, where you had not to participate at all and could simply enjoy yourself. You were glad that Gadreel had agreed to spend the evening with you and the boys. He entered the room and you couldn't help but marvel upon the sight of him. Gadreel snaked his arms around your waist and plopped down on the couch, taking you with him. You settled yourself next to him and he moved his arm from your waist to your shoulders instantly and pulled you closer to his chest, so you could lean on him. Cuddling with Gadreel was something that was way overdue. You rested the back of your head against his shoulder and sighed in content as his fingers proceeded to rub light patterns on your arm._

_"I think I'm heading to bed, I'm incredibly tired." You got up and leaned down to Gadreel who was still sitting on the couch and placed a soft kiss on his lips. To your surprise he didn't let you go directly, he took hold of your hips and shot you a meaningful glance before moving his hands to your butt and squeezing it lightly._

_Not five minutes after you announced that you'd like to go to bed there was a knock on your door. You opened up and came to face with a smugly grinning Gadreel._

_"Y/N." That was everything he said, but his voice almost dropped an octave and you could already feel the heat pooling in your core. You gripped him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him into your room, before your lips met in a feverish kiss._

_He grabbed the back of your thighs and lifted you up so you were pressed flush to his front. You linked your ankles behind his back and traded your fingers through his short hair. One of his hands was at the small of your back the other held your head so incredibly gently and you couldn't concentrate on anything, except his soft lips on yours._

_Impatiently, you tugged at the hem of his shirt, signalling that you wanted it off. Gadreel didn't let you rush him. He carried you to your bed and sat you down. He grinned at you mischievously._

_Gadreel hovered over you, his hands covering every single inch of your body._

_You were light headed and your heart was racing. You were trembling and his fingers left hot traces on your skin wherever he touched you and he wasn’t backing away._

_You laid in his arms, warm and secure, feeling that with him nothing evil could ever come to you. Gadreel's breath was laboured and his heart was beating fast next to your ear._

You were a mess, just barely keeping it together. When the Mark's influence receded, you had nothing left to fight for, nothing left to live for.

Once again memories of lazy days with Gadreel came to your mind. You cringed at the thought of these 'happy' memories that now only reminded you of how you had left and betrayed him

Not only had Gadreel trusted you before he even knew you, but he had also shared his deepest secret with you. His mistake in the past, he wanted to desperately make up for. He was such a genuinely good guy, it was almost too cliché-y. He would do anything to redeem himself. To be a hero, just once. To make up for his mistake. To be accepted. You were just our here, ruthlessly murdering innocent people without the urge for a break, without the urge to sleep, without the urge to eat. You were high and you couldn’t stop.

It wasn’t long before you broke down, because your body couldn’t take it anymore. You fell into a feverish sleep, not knowing when you were awake or dreaming.

_The constant flirting was slowly killing you, you still had doubts that Gadreel really liked you. You had been dancing around each other for quite some time now and the tension between you was getting so thick you could almost cut it with a knife. But neither of you had dared to take the first step._

_Until you two came to a point where it all broke apart._

_You had been on a hunt the last three days and you were back at the bunker, exhausted and your body was covered in blood. All you wanted to do was shower and sleep for a day._

_“Y/N?” The sound of Gadreel’s voice made your heart beat just a little quicker than normal and you were still worked up on adrenaline from your hunt, so it felt like your heart would leap out of your chest at any second._

_“Gadreel.” You were always a little startled to see him here, at the bunker, working with Castiel and the Winchester brothers to take down Metatron._

_“Are you okay? You are bleeding. What happened?” You chuckled at his overly concerned words._

_“I’m fine, Gadreel. These are just scratches. Nothing to worry about.”_

_“Can I have a look at them, please?”_

_“Okay.” You sighed, but still, you were glad that he was worried about your well-being. “But I’m having a shower first.”_

_You took a little eternity in the shower trying to free yourself from all the blood, grease and dirt that stuck to your skin. You threw on some comfortable clothes, not really caring what you looked like, even though Gadreel was there and normally you tried to keep up your appearances around the angel._

_You strode into the kitchen and grabbed a yoghurt and a small spoon and went to the library to eat and talk to Sam and Dean._

_"I haven't even realized you're back, Y/N. Hi." Sam smiled at you._

_"Can I look at your wounds now, please?"  Gadreel interrupted._

_"Sure, if you'd like." You shed your sweater, so you were left in a thin tank top that allowed Gadreel good access to the scratches on your arms and shoulders and also a nice view of your breasts. You sat on one of the empty tables and Gadreel came to stand in front of you. His fingers were gliding from your wrists to your shoulders, just ghosting over your skin. He mended all your little cuts and bruises that began to blossom all over your arms. It was a strange sensation. Your skin was overly warm for a second and after the cuts in your skin were closed again, there was just a tingly feeling left._

_Gadreel's hands came to a halt on your shoulders where they lingered for a moment, unsure if he wanted to break the contact. His eyes roamed over your features and you found his eyes and held his gaze there._

_You tore your eyes away from his just to look at his lips. You looked up to his eyes just to find out that he did the same. You chuckled lightly and took all the courage you could muster and pressed your lips to his. Gadreel was startled for a little moment but was quick to kiss you back. It was an unbelievable feeling, your heartrate spiked and the butterflies in your stomach began to flutter nervously. Gadreel's hands wandered from your shoulders to your neck and came to cup your cheek when he took control of the kiss. You were just about to wrap your arms around his waist to pull him closer as you were interrupted by Dean clearing his throat._

_"Guys, you might consider taking a room."_

_"Uhm, sorry." Gadreel's kiss had left you speechless._

_"I mean, we're happy for you, but – you know – you don't need to make out in front of us."_

_"Dean, you owe me." Sam interrupted his brother._

_"Yeah, I know that I lost this bet." You looked at the Winchester brothers in disbelief. "You had a bet running? On us?"_

_"Yeah. Gadreel sort of told us that he had a crush on you and we were betting if he would get his shit together and make a move on you."_

_The whole conversation Gadreel had remained silent and the grin on his face grew brighter and brighter._

_"Y/N, would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" You nodded and pressed your lips to his once again._

_The two of you never got your first date, the fight against Metatron consumed a lot of your time and you had very little time on your own. You were mostly researching with Sam, while Gadreel would hunt down Metatron 24/7. He only came to the bunker to check up on you every once in a while, but you were only talking about Metatron. He controlled everything you did, he controlled your whole life._

You saw him everywhere. In the streets, in your dreams, faint glimpses of memories of him in the bunker and it slowly drove you insane. The rational side of you knew that nothing of this was real, but the emotional side tended to take over more and more often these days. You missed him too much to focus on anything else. 

He was not around to joke with you, tease you or hold you when you were down. He was not there when you went to bed, not there when you woke up in the morning. You missed Gadreel so much, it killed you.

  **“Y/N?” Gadreel’s voice echoed through the bunker.**  


**Sam had jumped at Gadreel’s voice, startled to hear his voice when you all thought he was dead. “Gad. You’re back.” This was more a question than a statement. “How is that possible, you died.” Sam wrinkled his forehead, remembering that he himself had died a few times and still – he was here looking very much alive.**

**“I don’t know how. I remember dying very clearly, after that there was nothing. And then I woke up in a forest not far from here.”**

**Sam smiled. He knew that Cas did also come back from the dead, then why would God not also save Gadreel?**

**“Where is Y/N? I’d really like to see her.” Sam shook his head. “Y/N, she – she’s gone.”**

**“What do you mean – gone?”**

**“I don’t know where, she just left. Without a note, without any explanation. I’m sorry.”**

**“And you just sit here doing nothing?” Gadreel’s voice was getting louder with every word.**

**“I tried tracking her down, but I got nothing so far.”**

**“Why would she leave?” Gadreel slumped over. “After I woke up I heard her prayer, she said she loved me. And after a while again ‘I love you, Gadreel. I am so sorry.’ That was it. I tried to locate her, but it didn’t work, so I thought she might be here.”**

**“Why would she say she’s sorry?” Sam thought out loud.**

**Not an hour later they found out why you’d be sorry as Sam went to the dungeon to check up on Dean. He sat chained to the chair in the devil’s trap, but he was unconscious and his forearm was no longer defaced with the mark.**

**“We have to find her.”**

**“I can’t believe she took the mark off me.” Dean, human again, seemed devastated at the thought you could go through the same rollercoaster of ups and downs right now that he had to battle for months.**

You didn’t worry about the authorities on your heels, you only cared that you moved quickly enough that Sam and Dean couldn’t find you, yet. Before you transferred the mark to you, you made sure that no one could find you. No human, no demon, no angel. The warding against angels slowly wore off, but you had your mind on other more urgent things. The rage and the urge to kill were ruling within you. At the beginning you shoved all the thoughts of home to the back of your head.

You were so preoccupied by chasing demons that you didn’t realize that by the time your angel warding had faded completely. Rookie mistake.

 

**Gadreel pushed himself and Sam, Dean and Cas to the limits to find you, but they were always one step behind you. You moved unpredictably fast and it was frustrating getting close to you and losing you every time. Again and again.**

 

You had put the first blade in the last demon that came at you and something inside you broke. You fell to the ground, every ounce of energy you had left had been sucked out of you and you fell to the ground. Gadreel had spotted you and without warning he appeared right in front of you and wrapped you in a tight hug. He didn't even care that you held the first blade in your shaking hand, he trusted you enough not to kill him, even with the mark. All your repressed emotions of the past two months flooded you. Your heart clenched on what this might have done to him and you didn't even explain anything, you just left. 

You loved him with all your heart, so much that it almost hurt. You couldn't imagine how he could forgive you after all that you'd done. "Y/N." Your name fell from his lips, his voice was low and there was so much love in it, you couldn't believe how you could leave him. 

You pushed him away and averted your face, so you wouldn't have to look in his eyes. You didn't want him to see the tears that started pooling in your eyes. 

"I am sorry." You seemed to be incapable of doing anything else but keep apologizing to Gadreel. He grabbed your shoulders and turned you around to face him. "Stop apologizing, Y/N. Please, just look at me." You didn't know what to expect when you looked into his eyes. Confusion, disbelief, anger. 

When your eyes finally met his you saw tears threatening to spill over and you saw his love and concern that you would have never expected to see.

"This is who I am now. I am a murderer."

"It is not who you are. It may be a part of you now. But it doesn't define who you are. Only you can define who you are, you told me that. Remember when I told you I trusted you? That hasn’t changed.”

_“Y/N?” Sam’s voice echoed through the bunker, Dean was God-knows-where and he had asked you to keep an eye out for Sam since Sam got out of the hospital. You were at the bunker when the angels fell and since then you tried to gather information about Castiel’s whereabouts._

_“Y/N?”_

_“Hey Sam, what’s up? -- Sam?” He didn’t look like himself, and his voice sounded strange. His shoulders were pulled back and on the second look he didn’t even look remotely like the Sam you knew. “Sam are you okay?”_

_“Sam is okay, Y/N. But I am not Sam. Dean asked me to heal him and the only way I could do that is if I used him as a vessel until his wounds are healed.”_

_“Who are you?”_

_“Dean knows me by Ezekiel, but my real name is Gadreel and I am an angel of the Lord.”_

_“Gadreel? Okay, that doesn’t sound familiar.”_

_“I know that Sam trusts you completely and so I’m going to tell you this, because I decided that you are indeed worthy of my trust.”_

_“Uhm, okay?”_

_“I made a great mistake a long time ago and I’ve regretted it ever since. I was imprisoned in heaven for nearly all of my existence and only the fall cast me out. I was the guard who let the serpent in the Garden of Eden. It was my fault that the humans are flawed, that they sin. This is why nobody accepts me and also the reason why I used Ezekiel’s name as my own.”_

_“Gadreel? Is it okay if I call you that?” He nods silently. “Listen, it doesn’t matter to me what you did, this is the past. I appreciate that you are honest with me, that you trust me.” You paused. “But why are you telling me this?”_

_“I am telling you this, because I need you to trust me, too.”_

_“Not that I’m against it, but why do you need to trust me?” Gadreel looked a little uncomfortable._

_“Okay. Here it goes. I have got a plan how we could take down Metatron, but I can’t do it alone. So, I’m going to need your help and I think that you are not going to like it.”_

_“You had me at ‘take down Metatron’. Shoot.”_

****

**_Gadreel was far away with his thoughts. The only thing he could think about was you. “So what’s the plan?” You asked, genuinely curious what Gadreel had in mind._ **

**_“I need to make sure that Metatron thinks that I’m on his side, I need to get close to him. I need him to trust me that I’m loyal to him.”_ **

**_“Sounds like a plan. How are we going to do that?” You said ‘we’, Gadreel was completely amazed._ **

**_“I am going to meet with him later and he is going to give me my first ‘assignments’ to prove to him that I’m on his side.” He made air-quotes around the word ‘assignments’ and you giggled lightly. He couldn’t help but marvel at the sound of your laugh._ **

****

_Gadreel was ripped out of your thoughts by the sound of your voice. Again. “How exactly do we pretend-kill Kevin?”_

_“I’m working on a plan.”_

_“Maybe we should talk to Kevin. Maybe he’s got an idea for us. And – I mean we can’t pretend to kill him without him knowing about it.”_

 

“I’m a monster. I killed so many people in this last two months, Gadreel. So many that I can’t recall how many exactly.” You pressed your palms to your face, a very poor attempt to hide behind them. Gadreel placed his fingers around your wrists gently and slowly pulled your hands from your face. 

“Y/N, look at me, please.” His voice was low, but his tone had an unknown intensity in it that made you look up to him.

“I am a monster.”

Gadreel’s arms wove around your back and he pulled you in a hug. You let your tears fall freely and he didn’t say a word, knowing you so well that you’ll find comfort in both of your silence. He rubbed your back and you shivered at his gentle touch that you’d missed so much.

 

“We all have our marks, Y/N. Visible or not.” Gadreel’s hands gripped your shoulders tight and he looked you right in the eyes and held your gaze before he continued speaking: “I have mine and you have yours. I am trying not to let my mark define me. It is hard, but I’m trying. I think you should start trying, too.” He paused for a moment. "We are going to find a way to get rid of the mark for good."

“Will you help me, Gadreel?” You asked him with tears in your eyes. He didn’t try to convince you were not a monster, he rather helped you come to your own conclusion what you were and cope with your actions under the influence of the mark.

“I’ll help you if you promise me that you’ll try and overcome the urge to kill, okay?” 

“Promise.” Gadreel pulled you in a passionate kiss, it tasted of forgiveness and new beginnings. Slowly you relaxed a little and you allowed yourself to hope again that it could be okay. Not now, not today, but someday it will all be okay. Eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Leave me a comment and kudos, please?
> 
> Come and visit me on tumblr: stardustandangels.tumblr.com ! I'm always happy to hear from you. :)


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